Aviation jokes (If U have one, put it here) Options

[Ford Freak]

There's nothing like a good laugh once in a while so I thought this would be a good idea.

Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. They’re getting a little impatient, but the airport staff has assured them that the pilots will be here soon, and the flight will take off immediately after they arrive. The entrance opens, and two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle; both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin—but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all going to die.”

[glnflwrs]

AVIATION TRUISMS
-A "good" landing is one which you can walk away from. A "great" landing is one which lets you use the airplane another time.

-A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.

-Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.

-An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won't surprise him.

-Learn from the mistakes of others...you won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

-Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwinds.

-A thunderstorm is nature's way of saying "Up yours!"

-Keep looking around, there's always something you missed.

-Remember, you're always a student in an airplane.

-Any pilot who does not at least privately consider himself the best in the business is in the wrong business.

-It's best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.

-Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.

-The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

-The only thing worse than a captain who never flew copilot is a copilot who was once a captain.

-A terminal forecast is a horoscope with numbers.

-Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.

-The first thing every pilot does after making a gear up landing is to put the gear handle DOWN.

-It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune.

-If God would have meant for man to fly He would have given him more money.

-Maintain thy airspeed lest the ground rise up and smite thee.

8)

[Kurgan]

Co-pilot to pilot: "Hell no, I'm not going to do the walkaround." If you wonder why, look here: http://www.breaktaker.com/albums/pictures/.../HotWeather.jpg