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 Favorite post.... |
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 Jan 2 2006, 12:14 AM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: FL350 CREW
Posts: 3,266
Joined: 11-December 04
From: (KLFT) Lafayette, LA
Member No.: 348
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AirRabbit got me thinking about this.
If I had to choose which post from one of you members gave me the greatest enjoyment, whether funny or informative (or both), I have to give Crashman the award for this jewel:
QUOTE Wow, this thread has triggered so many good stories that Crashman feels compelled to join in:
Been in: Kai Tak, fer sure. That CAL Scarebus's overhead bins all popped open and showered everybody with all the bulky, sharp-edged souvenirs those packrat pax from Peking were perilously packing, cutting open quite a few scalps. But Crashman blamed the a/c's OH bin latch designers for that one, not the crew - the fuselage flexed only slightly. Check out some films of that old Kai Tak approach and runway sometime.
Done: A horrible memory! Training many years ago at AUS in a 150, your Crashman was practicing his short-field landings. Had maybe 20 hours at most. Coming in waay nose-high with those very effective draggy Cessna flaps full out 40, desperately slow airspeed, and a howling power setting did set up your intrepid ace for a great chance to earn his nickname. Kept adding power but noticed that it didn't seem to help the airspeed much ... the words "behind the power curve" held no deep meaning for the Crashman at the time. Looked down, saw I was over the numbers at maybe 30 feet, thought "OK! Made it!" and chopped the throttle. BIIG mistake! That little 150 just FELL out of the sky - and the only reason Crashman is here writing this today is because of how incredibly strong those vanadium-steel one-piece C150 gear legs are. The propwash over the wing center section was the only thing keeping that 150 flying! Crashman had been foolish enough to mindlessly do what his instructor told him re short-field landings: "When you're over the runway, cut the power..."
Now we've all bounced a little, but this was the first and only time I have ever heard and felt the gear TWANGGGGG! after the bounce, shaking the airplane violently and scaring the Crashman silly. And it did that again on the second bounce- TWANGGGG! Crashman leaped down the runway like a blind deranged kangaroo, yawing wildly and trying vainly to keep the centerline with the pedals. But the rudder had no aerodynamic authority at all at that speed. Heading rapidly for the weeds, in his sole intelligent pilot move of the day Crashman added enough power to get some rudder back and straighten her out. The TWANGGG!ing- thank God- ceased after the second bounce and became just a series of hard WHAMs! That could be dealt with: your Crashman was already familiar with those from his many earlier idiotic landing attempts.
Utterly convinced he had smashed the poor 150's gear to bits, Crashman swung off at the first available taxiway, turned off the sewing machine, and leaped out to check the damage - already anticipating fat certified letters from the FAA, the NTSB, the flying club's irate chief pilot, and his insurance company. This was not the greatest airmanship either, because the tower had only given clearance for a touch-and-go, not a full stop. But the guy up in the tower must have been paying close attention to the free airshow, because he didn't let out a peep. To Crashman's immense amazement and joy, the plane actually seemed undamaged!
In a very subdued voice that only trembled a little, Crashman called ground and sought taxi instructions back to the nest. AUS Ground then cleared the Crashman to taxi "what was left of your aircraft" to the ramp. The ATC pro on that frequency also -somehow- managed to suppress any outright laughter. Crashman was only on his third touch-and-go, but after that near crash-and-burn he called it a day. Thank you THANK YOU! Wichita designers, you are all-wise and do indeed know the many follies of student pilots....
But Crashman still considers that one a great landing. He not only walked (albeit a bit shakily) away, it seems they were even able to use the airplane again later.
There are any number of ways to rate a post. I personally rate them based on "did it add something to my day?" Well, this one certainly did. Members, such as AirRabbit, Ranger, D4D, Empress, SF3aviatrix, Fluffdoc, Galaxy, Ben Jones, Glenn Flowers, FastJet, mnztr, Becky_KSTS, McJiz, etc. have posted some real classics worth reading again. Many more of you have posted some great stuff as well. Think of this topic as a "Greatest Hits" thread. Will be interesting to see what you dig up.
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Jan 2 2006, 01:24 AM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 1,504
Joined: 10-September 05
From: Sydney, Australia
Member No.: 2,096
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Anything McJiz-Especially all that badger talk!
QUOTE I'll have a vanilla cone with some badger sauce please.
Thanks
There are so many hilarious posts by him like this one-the topic was when will Boeing regain stock sale leads over Airbus.
QUOTE Tuesday Afternoon, just after dinner.
There's soooo many...
QUOTE Pronounced Beemer over here in the old world, and I worked selling the things.
Who cares anyway.
More important things to think about like badgers and hamsters and donkeys.
QUOTE As for you Galaxy, I just get this vision of some weird man standing naked in a field whispering to himself about badgers.
QUOTE No more Jetphotos links please. It's full of pop ups. I hate pop ups.
Pop ups make me wanna assault a badger or fiddle with hamster balls.
There's soo many more but I can't find them all!
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Jan 2 2006, 12:11 PM
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Hominidae member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 2,257
Joined: 11-December 04
From: Zandhoven(OBL/EBZR),Belgium
Member No.: 349
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I have had a good laugh with so many of you .
QUOTE(Ranger) I'm not here anymore. At least not right now. I'm on a trip so I can't be here. Can I? This is getting pretty confusing. I think I'll go run in the park and try to figure it out.
QUOTE(McJiz) 27
mental age of 3
QUOTE(Fast Jet) HAPPY BIRTHDAY flightlevel350.com
I will take a swig of Famous Grouse on your Birthday - am doing it now -"hic" uun done fergit - thas we orl lurve yu an - "hic" -oops sorry, an wizzsh zyou aal zer bezt, I lurve zyou fright leveller 350, wanna fight? "hic" - oops zorry, p-ssed again.
QUOTE(jet4minette) Unwrapping the bundle, they saw little Bernoulli: chubby cheeks, dimples, and a big round head covered with peach fuzz. Then, to their utter astonishment, the little cherub pointed to the sky and said: "Airplaine!"
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Jan 2 2006, 12:45 PM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 1,826
Joined: 10-June 05
From: Farnborough, Hampshire, UK (FAB/EGLF, LGW/EGKK, LHR/EGLL)
Member No.: 1,640
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There are many, who would have thought you could get so much fun and enjoyment on an internet forum? well, I didn't, but I know much different after 7 months here.
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Jan 2 2006, 02:06 PM
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Hominidae member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 2,257
Joined: 11-December 04
From: Zandhoven(OBL/EBZR),Belgium
Member No.: 349
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This one is marvellous
QUOTE(B22EL) Humm..interesting, whats your fathers name?
Answer :
QUOTE(MH Flying Tigers Group) last name iss orelio but more im not say[ing]......
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Jan 2 2006, 03:44 PM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 2,007
Joined: 26-April 05
From: South Staffordshire
Member No.: 1,410
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QUOTE({DaRk}) Anything McJiz-Especially all that badger talk!
QUOTE I'll have a vanilla cone with some badger sauce please.
Thanks
There are so many hilarious posts by him like this one-the topic was when will Boeing regain stock sale leads over Airbus.
QUOTE Tuesday Afternoon, just after dinner.
There's soooo many...
QUOTE Pronounced Beemer over here in the old world, and I worked selling the things.
Who cares anyway.
More important things to think about like badgers and hamsters and donkeys.
QUOTE As for you Galaxy, I just get this vision of some weird man standing naked in a field whispering to himself about badgers.
QUOTE No more Jetphotos links please. It's full of pop ups. I hate pop ups.
Pop ups make me wanna assault a badger or fiddle with hamster balls.
There's soo many more but I can't find them all! Ahhhhhhhh who can ever forget the magic that is McJiz and his badger talk! Simply hilarious! A great man .... hope he'll come back one day  But I also agree with that one Bern quoted from Crashman .... brilliant! Couldn't really find any good ones myself though that someone hadn't already posted!!!
Cheers,
Dan
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Jan 2 2006, 04:51 PM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 1,309
Joined: 24-March 05
From: Santa Rosa, California
Member No.: 1,125
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You mean THIS one Canuck? This is classic!!
From:The Jizzmaster
Address:Some dodgy place in a jungle
Lot 666
The democratic republic of Jiztopia
Email:mcjiz@hotmail.com
Telephone:+ 555 - JIZZ
Deceitful one,
Thanks so much for getting in touch! It's really crazy that you wrote to me because I have a proposal for you too! - Isn't that crazy? It just makes you want to smother marmalade into your scrotum! It's really similar to your proposal in many ways. The main advantage is that I don't write in dodgy scamese African and it makes it so much more believable! CRAZY!
I am MR.JEFF JIZZER, 27 years old and the husband of the late MRS JEMIMA JIZZER. My late wife was a highly disreputable and disrespectful prostitute and thief in our country and other countries during her days. What a gal!
I'm really sad to say that she passed away last year. I thought that you, a complete stranger on the other side of the world, would really like to know this. It kept you awake at night didn't it? Like a little rat gnawing on your diseased anus looking for the cheese. Please please give me cheese.
We had our first and only son Elton John when i was 26 years old. Well I
think he was my son. The wifes day job sort of made that a bit debatable you see. 5 pounds and a bag of chips and she was anyones. She love you long time.
Know what i'm saying? I just KNOW you enjoy that sort of action, food
blenders up your **I have a dirty mouth** and all sorts. CRAZY GUYS.
We were never happily married, it was a bit of a sham. My true love was for a young goat herder called Manuel. We would sneak into the mountains and play kiss chase. It was a bit unfair because i had him tied to a post at the time. He kept saying NO NO, but that means YES i guess. Bet you know all about that too.
Before her death on September 22 2004, she called me whilst on a life support machine. The problem was she couldn't speak. It made for an interesting telephone conversation. What exactly does MMMMMMMM, GMMG HMMHMHMH mean?
I paid for the finest translators that 1 pound 50 pence and a packet of
wrigleys spearmint gum could buy, but they could never decipher it. I visited her in hospital and found a note.
The note said that she had a sum of 10.35 US DOLLARS (THATS 10 DOLLARS AND 35 CENTS) kept in a security company in AFRICA for safe keeping for me and my son for us not to suffer after her death. I thought that was thoroughly decent of the beatch.
She also said that the security company does not know the content in the safe Box. She declared to the company that the box contained used rubber johnnys which was a family treasure and used my sons name ELTON JOHN to Deposit the Box as her only child for next of kin. She also explained to me that I should seek a foreign partner in a country with an average IQ less than 80 to where I will transfer this money to and use it for investment purposes, I'm thinking of buying a radio controlled car, what ya reckon? Maybe 2, push the boat out a bit you mad mutha!
I want you to assist me in retrieving this box from the security company
because obviously my wife didn't plan far enough ahead and let her family retrieve it. What a silly cow. If she wasn't dead i'd kill her. The box will be transferred to your country or any country of your choice but if there are any customs charges you got to pay them ok? I'm not getting landed with that crap! You'd then act as a beneficiary of the fund in the said box, and also to make use of the fund in the box for an investment purpose of a very lucrative and profitable business venture in your country or any country of your choice. Did I mention radio controlled cars?
I am just a scammer and a refugee in my country. I don't have family or
friends because I always scam people and they want to chop my bollocks off and put them in a beef stew. Now I want you to assist me in retrieving this box that contains this money and possibly some used condoms and transfer it to you in your country.
What do you say? Are you gay? Shall we roll in the hay? Do I have to pay? Are you a good lay? What do you say?
I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis
in my country DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF JIZTOPIA and even here in Jizz Towers I feel I am not safe. The death of my wife actually brought sorrow to my son and I. Can you believe that? WHOA! Slap me with a kipper and call me Charlie
Dearest one, I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this
regards. Just kidding, thought i'd copy your stinking english-african style
HEH. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded but may I suggest shoving something painful and prickly up your poop shoot?
Now permit me to ask these few questions:-
1. Can you honestly help me as your brother or lover? I mean we could be friends to start with. Catch a movie, bottle of wine, some popcorn and before you know it it's hand jobs at high noon!
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money in the box is in your possesion? I'm guessing like any sane person you'd say 100% but I think you may be slightly mad and dribble a lot and lick windows and stuff, so who knows
Please,Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible on this my
private e-mail address at:
McJiz@hotmail.com or call me +555 - JIZZ
Thank you so much.And God bless you
Best regards,
Mr Jeff Jizzer & Son, Elton John.
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Jan 2 2006, 07:36 PM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 1,504
Joined: 10-September 05
From: Sydney, Australia
Member No.: 2,096
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!! I almost fell off my chair reading that!!
Talk about shutting that person up! I wonder if he got a reply ...:D
FastJet had some funny ones too.
This one was about anti-terrorist cockpit safety.
QUOTE Shoot the buggers thats what I say.
(whats a little decompression amongst friends?)
Another one, the topic was 'how does a poor man become a pilot' to which he replied QUOTE With difficulty
So many funny ones if you look around the older topics.
Favourite airline- QUOTE Blitisch AirVayz.. frum Englunt.
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Jan 2 2006, 11:42 PM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: FL350 CREW
Posts: 2,718
Joined: 13-December 04
From: Rhode Island / Daytona Beach, FL / Washington, DC
Member No.: 365
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Heh the classic
QUOTE(britannia_pilot) B) It took me 3 years from starting to being a 737-800 pilot and i was hand picked to go to Oxford Aviation and i earn around £75000 because i train and fly for Britannia. Smile My brief description.
and
QUOTE My dad has done 45000 hours and i have done 15000 hours because i operate on long-haul flights for Britannia in the much used Boeing 767-300.
http://forum.flightlevel350.com/viewtopic....=asc&highlight=
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Jan 3 2006, 12:02 AM
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Space Shuttle Member
Group: Full Access Members
Posts: 1,504
Joined: 10-September 05
From: Sydney, Australia
Member No.: 2,096
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HA!
And look at what FastJet wrote in that thread!
QUOTE I want to come clean.
I want to repent.
I want you all to love me.
Well here goes........
I am a trans-galactic starship trooper. I fly interuniversal warp 6 space fighters and I frequent the second quadrant tube stop (or beefburger bar to all you Earthling Dudes and Dudessesses), I admit I like cheeseburgers, but I in no way want to harm Earth.
I just do what I am told and patrol the 6th/15th/27-5th sector, all day long (or is it night?)
..and thats the honest truth. I swear. And, I really mean that.
My hobbies include: Interstellar sex and dodging U.S. fighters over the Grand Canyon.
Ahhh, I feel, like a new person!!!!!!
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